What’s the Stupidest Question you’ve Ever Been Asked by a Customer?

Andrea Baylis in Lexington, Kentucky:

• ‘Do you have any white Merlot?’
• ‘What’s in the egg salad?’
• ‘I just came back from Europe and I couldn’t believe they didn’t have any Sutter Home white zinfandel!’
• Pronunciation of remoulade… ‘Do you have RAH-MOOL-DEE sauce?’ Pronunciation of quesadilla… ‘Q-SAH-DILLY”… I DO live in Kentucky.

Lee C. in Winslow, Maine:

“What’s the difference between the barbecued ribs and the poached salmon?” Before I could think of an answer that wouldn’t make her look like a fool, the owner of the place, who was standing a few feet away chimed in, “If you beat your fish, it’ll die!”

Holly in Savannah, Georgia:

• Do the mozzarella sticks come with cheese?
• What’s the difference between the caesar and the chicken caesar salad?
• Don’t you have any white chianti?
• How many french fries do you get?

Michelle in Detroit, Michigan:

What is the difference between the 10oz. beer & the 20oz. beer?

Kelly Delaney, Pittsburgh, PA:

customer: can I have the portabella sandwich without mushrooms?
server: Uh, sure the bread here is great.

Micah H. in Cincinnati, Ohio:

• Customer: “Is the Nacho Burger Good?”
  Server: “Yes, It’s one of my favorites.”
  Customer: “I’ll have that, but without the Onions, Sour Cream, and the Queso on the Side.”
  Server: “Well it’s not good like that”
• Server: “How would you like your steak cooked?”
  Customer: “extra well done.”
  (five minutes later) Customer: “Sir, Is our food almost ready? We’re kind of in a rush to see a movie.”
  Server: “You know if you rush an extra well done steak it becomes a medium steak.”

Lisa in Crystal Lake, Illinois:

• Do you guys have water? Nope, that fat guy in the corner just emptied the pipes.
• Is our food ready, yet? Yeah, in fact it’s sitting in there all trayed up but I want it to get cold first.
• (After reading the entire menu 100 times) So what else do ya got?

Lenny in Charlottetown, Canada:

Q: I see on this menu you have Curried Seafood Chowder, is there a lot of Curry in that?

Q: Do you have any more water?
A: I’m not quite sure, wait there’s some in the nice ocean view we have, hopefully I can find some somewhere you cheap bastard.

Josh Wimmer in Lincoln Nebraska:

Lady: What do you have that’s seafood? I’m a vegetarian, and the only meat I can eat is seafood.
Me: Well, then, you’re not a vegetarian.
Lady: Yes. I am.

Wendy Bosma from Penticton, British Columbia:

Q: Can I get my eggs over easy with no yoke?

Stacey from Stillwater, Minnesota:

Q: Do you have a sweet wine?
A: Yes, I have a white zinfandel.
Q: Ok, but can I get the pink zinfandel?

Debra Rush in Morriston, Florida

Q: Would you like toast or biscuits?
A: What is the difference?

Michelle Storey in Sedona, Arizona:

Q: Can I get you something to drink while you decide?
A: No, we’ll just have water. (What are you going to do? Look at it? Water isn’t something to drink?)

Q: What’s the difference between the pork ribs and the beef ribs?
A: Ummm, one goes moo, one goes oink.

Leslie McReynolds in Columbia, Missouri:

Q: Is this duck? I ordered duck. This looks like beef. I’ve had Peking duck before. I know duck. Is this duck?

A:(From my manager) Of course it is duck sir.
To which he responds that she is a liar and we are trying to trick him. Of course, he eats the whole thing anyway.

Customer: I ordered the Mother Clone Zinfandel.
Me: Yes ma’am. You did.
C: Why is it red?

Q: What are these onions? I orderd a KC Strip. I didn’t know it came with this!
A: (And I really said this) Well sir, if you would actually read your menu, you’d find these things out. Neat, huh?

Q: (After ordering the chocolate fondue) What do we do with these big long forks?

Rhona from Leeds in the U.K.:

Q. why are there only two tortillas with this? the menu says four!
A. no, the menu says FLOUR!

Amy in Galesburg, Illinois:

Q: Does your iced tea come with ice?

Jody in Seminole, Florida:

Q: Would you like that pie a la mode?
A: No, I just want that with ice cream!!

Q: Would you like dessert tonight?
A: No, I’ll just have some pie.

Erin in Las Vegas:

Q. How many lobster tails do you get with the three lobster tail dinner?
A. 4

Q. Can I get the cold water lobster tails served hot?
A. You don’t get out much do you?

Q. Does a steak come with that Outback Special? (the outback special is a steak)

Jessica from Marietta, Ohio:

customer: What all comes on the half pound BBQ onion burger?
server: It comes with lettuce, tomato, pickles, sauteed onions, and BBQ sauce.
customer: (looks at husband) But honey that has no meat on it.

Jeff in Plano, Texas:

Q: “Is the Cajun Chicken spicy?”
A: Uhhh, that depends. Do you have taste buds?

Q: “Which is better the Halibut or the Trout?”
A: Well, the Halibut is $18 and the Trout is $12. You look like a Halibut person to me.

Q: “Is the food any good here?”
A: Nope, in fact I think that fella over there’s about to puke.

Q: “What do kids usually eat here?”
A: About 3 bites of what they order. The rest goes on their clothes and the floor.

Q: “What’s the Soup du jour?”
A: Uh, the soup of the day.(Credit to the movie “Dumb and Dumber”)

Q: “What do you like here?”
A: Good tippers who can make up their own minds.

Q: “What did you say your name was?”
(multiple answers)
–I didn’t.
–Why, are we neighbors?
–Why… WHO sent you?!?
–Habib! (especially works if you use a strong hick accent).
–Why, what’s yours?
–Oh, snapping your fingers or calling me “boy” will do.

Q: “Is the water free?”
A: Nope, just the first round.

Q: “Hey is our table ready?”
A: Yep your’e the next one up (even though you don’t know what the name is and you aren’t the host).

Susan McDonald in London, Ontario:

Q: “Could I have a caesar salad?”
A: “Sure.”
Q: “Oh, and I can get that with thousand island dressing?”

Q: “I’ll have the Shrimp Inferno.”
A: “Great.”

Q: “Is that hot?” (I restrained myself from suggesting that “inferno” isn’t a term that we use to decribe a pleasant walk in the park.)

Beth in Illinois:

• Do you serve coffee here? No, we want to be world famous as the only restaurant that does not have coffee.
• Do you grind your coffee beans by hand? Yeah and I go to colombia and pick um up too.
• Does the seafood salad have fish on it?
• Do you have banana toffee nut crunch ice cream? No? Well, why the hell not, you are soo stupid and incompetent. Number one, I do not write the menu, I do not decide what kind of ice cream we serve, number two do not yell at me and call me stupid and number three, if you want ice cream so damn bad, go to a frickin baskin robbins.

Russell Flowers in Bowling Green, Kentucky:

Q: What’s chili?
Q: What’s a taco?
(different customers)

Cathy Watson in beautiful Redondo Beach, CA:

A customer asked me, “What kind of eggs are these ‘Ranch’ eggs? Is that like ranch-flavored or something?”

Allison, Virginia Beach, Virginia:

I work at a Pancake House and am frequently asked:
Q: What kind of syrup do you have?
A: Maple, blueberry and strawberry
Q: Do you have any regular?

Q: What are ham chunks?
A: chunks of ham

Noel M.:

• Whats the difference between chicken salad & turkey salad? A. ummm, lima beans?
• What does natural casings mean on your hot dogs? A.If you’ve lived this long not knowing, believe me you don’t want to know!
• Does your potato salad have a lot of mayo in it? A. Its right in front of you, you tell me!
• Whats the difference between potato salad & potato salad with egg? A.I’ll go out on a limb here, eggs maybe?
• I’ll have a 1/2 lb of white cheese. A. Thanks for narrowing that down for me, any special shape?
• Your coffee pot is empty, will you get us some more? A. Ya, I’ll just tell all these nice people standing in line here, waiting to BUY something, that they have to be patient, cause you need a free cup of coffee.
• You are out of creamers at the coffee pot! A. thats ok, I take mine black
• Your cole slaw is very good, can you give me the recipe? A. ya, sure, we always give out our recipes, heck, why don’t we print em up in a handy little flier for you!
• When will you be giving out free samples of something? A. let me take your phone #, I’ll be sure to call just as soon as we get ready to give anything away.
• Its just too hot to cook, I’ll have 10lbs of potato salad. A. Boy, lucky for you, the potato salad fairy just made a delivery!

Berlie, in the rockin’ East Bay town of Pleasanton, California:

customer: What are the soups for today?
server: Chicken noodle and Split pea…
(Customer’s face shows an obvious dislike for these soups.)
customer: What other soups do you have tonight??
server: Ummmmm, we have….split pea and chicken noodle
(using a tone the implies I forgot to mention these “other” two soups)
Lookout folks, it’s a conspiracy. We actually have her favorite soup…but we’re NOT telling her!! Please!!

Kari Svennes, Beresford, South Dakota:

This one is answered at least two times a morning every morning I work…I ask, “How would you like your eggs done?”

I am expecting a response such as Over Medium, Over Hard, or Over Easy. Instead this is what I frequently simply get: “Over”.

Paula in Texas:

Q: Do your steaks come from cows or bulls?
A: Hello, they come in packages it’s not like we go outside and say, he wants a cow , harry, slaughter that one.

Q: They walk in the door past an extremely large bar. You get to the table and they say do you have mixed drinks?
A: Um, no we just have a bar so everyone can look at it, um, it’s just for the employees no customers allowed. We just have all those bottles for decoration.

Q: Is our food ready yet?
A: Well, let me see it’s well done and i told you it would take at least 15 min. um, no since it has only been 5 min. and uh, wouldn’t it be at your table if it were ready,after all that is my job right?

• Is the catfish whole or just fillets? Fillets, I reply. Does it have the head on it?
• Do you have ice cream? Well, is it on the menu, no!!!! well, that’s too bad cause junior really likes ice cream. Well, thats too bad I guess you’ll have to go buy junior a gallon at the store.

Greg at a Red Lobster in Tennessee:

We carry a dish called ‘Lobster, Shrimp, and Scallop Pasta’. AT LEAST once a day, I get the obvious question…..’What kind of seafood is in that?’

Peg T:

Q.) “Is the Lasagna homemade, because it says here on the menu that it is.”
A.) “Hum”

Q.) “Why are you always here.”
A.) No reply

Q.) “I’ll have the 2 eggs breakfast special. Does that come with a salad bar?”
A.) “Ya we always serve salad with breakfast.
Man and his wife come in there first time to the restaurant, Obviously not seeing the huge Pepsi sign they ask for Coke. I reply we have Pepsi products only, a blank stare from the customer. “We’ll just have water.”
~~Next Day~~
Same man and his wife come in. “Do you have Coke?”

Q.) Is there going to be hair on my food when you bring it out?
A.) I can arrange for that.

Q.) What’s the difference between 1/4 Chicken and 3 pc. chicken.
A.) About fifty cents.

Michelle in Orlando, Fl:

Do you have anything else free to drink besides water?

(While standing in front of the bathrooms) Where are your bathrooms?

Is Chardonnay a white wine?

I used to work on Disney property and people used to always ask: Where do you people live? Does disney house everyone that works here?

The Rhoads’ in Allentown, PA:

From a customer’s mouth, “I ordered a seltzer water. This one has too much carbonation in it. Can you get me another one?”

Pete R.:

From the Bar…

• I’ll have a Gran Marine. straight-up on the the rocks…. (huh?)
• People ordering a glass of wine (say phonetically)
• “I’ll have a glass of Peanut Griggio”
• “Do you have any Mer-lot”
• “I’d like a glass of chardonay” “Would you like the House brand, or the Black Opal” “No no, I don’t want black wine, I want it white”

From the Floor…

• (we have 3 crust styles of pizza and a gourmet pizza selection also) The customer looks the menu over, and orders a Spinach Pizza. I ask if they want it Thin Crust, Pan Crust, Stuffed Crust, or Gourmet. Customer replies… “no no, I want a Spinach Pizza”. I repeat my question, the customer then gets angry and says “What are you stupid, it’s your menu, now give me a spinach pizza like I asked!”
• We have a coupon for a free 2 liter from carryout if we order a pizza. Can we get that here in the restaurant?
• (I work in an Italian Restaurant) Customer asks if we have anything without garlic or oregano? I reply, the water and the napkins.

Becky in MD:

• OK, I work in a restaurant called Western Sizzlin Steakhouse. Once I got a customer who asked me if we sold steak…umm, let me go check!
• I once had a customer get BBQ chicken, who asked me if it came with BBQ sauce.
• I once had a customer who was reading the sign that said that we don’t serve alcohol say “So, that sign there means, you don’t serve alcohol?”
• Often asked questions: “Do you have napkins here?,” to which I said, “no, you have to use your shirt.” “Do you have straws here?” “Do you have silverware here?”

From Cheryl in Denver, CO:

My personal favorite was walking up to a table and introducing myself, I would say “Hi there, I’m Cheryl, can I get you something to dri . .. ” and the person would bark out “I want the Aussie steak well done” my reply would then be “that is terrific, would you like me to cut it into tiny pieces so you can get it up the straw?”

Elise in Ohio:

• “What is fried zucchini?” – “It is zucchini – fried” I reply. “oh, ok, we’ll have an order of that.”
• “Can I have a side of mashed potatoes?” “No, tonight we only have baked potatoes.” “Well, have them mash them.” “Mashed potatoes are made from BOILED potatoes.” “Well, what’s the difference?” “Boiled potatoes are boiled, and baked potatoes are baked.” “So what kind of potatoes are mashed?” (The chef ended up scooping out the inside of a ton of baked potatoes and mashing them for her.)
• “What is that little green leafy thing that came on the plate, is that supposed to be there?”
• “What is trout?”

Stephen in Atlanta, GA:

Q: “Can I get this guacamole without avocado?” A: (Was unable to reply except to shake my head to indicate a negative response)

Q: (After being asked if customers want something to drink while looking over the menu): “Do you have water?” A: (Unable to reply to this)

Q: “Do y’all have a restroom” A: “No, sorry, we just always go on the kitchen floor.”

Q: “The ice cream isn’t old or spolied or anything, is it? It’s for my child” A: “As a matter of fact, m’am, since you asked: we only serve ice cream laced with several different disease causing bacteria when it is for CHILDREN”

Jennifer J.:

I work at a hamburger restaurant, where people can choose many different toppings on their burgers…the burgers come in two sizes, 1/4lb. and 1/2 lb. At almost every other table, someone will be ordering and I say (about ten thousand times a night) “would you like the 1/2lb or 1/4lb size?” They procede to stare at me blankly, and say, “Which one is bigger?” PLEASE! People need to review their math (it will also come in handy when deciding on a 15% tip)!!

Brooke H. in Baltimore:

• (from the parent of a small child)Do you have any crackers? My child likes to smash them.
• Yo, babe. (as I was bringing the party of four’s food out of the kitchen, in the middle of my station with all of my other guests listening) Can you wrap this shit up? My girlfriend called and she’s ready. I gotta go.

“Peaches” in Baltimore, Maryland:

• “Do you know where the restroom is?” –No, I’ve been working here for five years and I still haven’t found it!
• “Do you have coffee?”
• “Is your coffee ice cream decaffeinated?”
• “I’ll have the side salad. (a two-dollar item) What comes with that?” –An eighteen-pound Maine lobster, of course!
• “Would you like anything to drink while you look over the menu?”—“WE DON’T DRINK!”
• “I’ll have the char-grilled burger.” –“How would you like that cooked?”–“Char-grilled, like on the menu!”
• “What’s free?”
• “Is there a lot of butter or cream in the creamy alfredo sauce?”
• “What’s the difference between the hamburger and the cheeseburger?”
• (from college students) “Do you have any crayons?”
• “Will you bring us our food when it’s ready?”

Chris Grace:

• My husband and I wanted to eat here, but my son (age 6) wants McDonald’s, will you go get him a regular hamburger and some fries?
• Does your Tomato Tortellini soup have tomatoes in it?
• Does your veggie burger come with meat?” to which I said, “Yes, it’s called a hamburger.

Pat O. In Salado, Texas:

• I work at a country club with a “19th Hole” bar and grill…we serve some light sandwiches as well as sodas..I always ask whether they would like their soda in the can or would they prefer a fountain soda….and always get the response of “in the can if you have it!”..like I would offer it if I didn’t have it!

Just “Brett”:

• ceaser salad, so what dressing does that come with???” asked about 2-3 times a week…
• It being a tourist town in the rockies we also get “so how much does a mountain weigh” and “where do they keep the animals at night??”.

From Natalie Mellon:

working at a B-B-Q resturaunt , the stupidest question:
What is the difference between the pork and beef?

From Erin, who works in Las Vegas:

It doesn’t help that I have come to hate people working in this place, and now have little or no tolerance for cheap women in gold lame hats that want a Porterhouse steak butterflied. We at our restaurant have come up with a top ten list of the stupidest questions ever asked us.

10. Q. Do you live here? A. No I commute in from LA every night to wait on you.
9. Q. How big is your 12 oz prime rib? A. About 12 ounces
8. Q. Can I have my Porterhouse butterflied? A. Do you have a chainsaw on you?
7. Q. Will the steak come out on the plate with that? A. (What can you say to that)
6. Q. Are your french fries fried? A. hysterical laughing
5. Q. Are there any grocery stores here? A. No ma’m we go out to eat, every night in the hotel we live in.
4. Q. What kind of fish/meat is your filet? A. That would be a steak
3. Q. This one is more of a statement- “This frozen Margarita is warm” A. Ok how can ice be warm?
2. Q. What is the salmon? A. Last time I looked it was a sort of pinkish fish
1. Q. Are your grilled shrimp fried? A. Blank stare at the shock of peoples stupidity

From Lynn:

• Could I have a chocolate shake with skim milk?
• What’s good to eat if you don’t have teeth?
• How’s the quiche? -Excellent. -Okay, I’ll have the chicken.
• After reading the menu:

1. Do you have fish & chips?
2. Do you sell pizza?
3. Is this all you have?

• Do you have water here?
• Is it okay if I look at a menu?
• Do you have fish burgers, or anything like it? -Well, we have chicken burgers. -Oh, great, I’ll have one of those because I’m a vegetarian.
• Is it cheaper to eat outside?
• I’ll have a burger with the onion and lettuce on the side… and chop it up so I can have a salad with it.
• Are your hot dogs bloody? Because I don’t want a bloody hot dog.

From someone who used to work at the Olive Garden:

Q: do you have a vegetarian meat sauce?

Q: do you know why this coke tastes funny?
A: I’ll check it but I changed the CO2 yesterday.
Reaction: There is CO2 in this, what are you trying to do, kill people?